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What Positive Psychology Taught Me — And How It Changed My Life

I didn’t come to positive psychology because life was perfect — I came to it because I was tired. Tired of working hard but not always feeling aligned. Tired of giving to others and feeling like there was nothing left in the tank for me. I was curious: Is there a better way to do life?

Turns out, there is. And it isn’t about being positive all the time — it’s about living on purpose.

Here’s what I’ve learned, what I’ve applied, and what I now offer to my patients who want to live healthier, more meaningful lives — from the inside out.

1. Strengths: Using What’s Already Working

Before learning about strengths, I focused more on what I lacked. What I should fix, improve, or try harder at. But through tools like the Strengths Profile (Rath & Conchie, 2008) and VIA Character Strengths (Peterson & Seligman, 2004), I discovered I had powerful inner resources I had barely named — like creativity, curiosity, empathy, and strategic thinking.

Positive psychology doesn’t start with what’s broken — it starts with what’s strong.

Once I understood my strengths, I stopped trying to be like someone else and started designing my days around what gave me energy. I noticed I felt most alive when solving complex problems or helping others find new ways forward. That awareness made everything easier — from patient consults to mentoring to how I lead my pharmacy team.

And here’s the truth: when we use our strengths, we’re more resilient, more engaged, and more fulfilled. If you’re burned out, maybe you’re not broken — maybe you’re underusing your strengths.

How You Can Start:

  • Take a free online strengths test, like VIA Character Strengths (viacharacter.org)
  • Notice activities that energise you and schedule more of them
  • Try framing daily challenges around your strengths instead of fighting them


References:

  • Rath, T., & Conchie, B. (2008). Strengths Based Leadership. Gallup Press.
  • Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2004). Character Strengths and Virtues. Oxford University Press.

2. Values: The Compass I Didn’t Know I Needed

Discovering my values was like switching on a light in a room I’d been fumbling around in for years.

Once I named them — things like purpose, growth, authenticity, and connection — I began to understand why some things drained me and others lit me up. Decisions got easier. Saying no became less scary. And I started building a life that felt like mine.

Living your values doesn’t mean life is always comfortable — but it does mean life feels meaningful.

If you feel stuck or off-track, ask yourself: Is this choice aligned with my core values?

How You Can Start:

  • Use value cards or online exercises (search “values card sort”) to find your top 5 values
  • Reflect on recent decisions and see which values were honoured or ignored
  • Begin making small decisions consciously based on those values


References:

  • Harris, R. (2009). The Happiness Trap. Trumpeter.
  • Schwartz, S. H. (2012). An Overview of the Schwartz Theory of Basic Values. Online Readings in Psychology and Culture.

3. Energy > Time: Managing What Actually Matters

I used to think productivity was about managing time. Now I know it’s about managing energy.

Some activities — like problem-solving, mentoring, or writing — energise me. Others deplete me, even if they only take 10 minutes. By tracking this, I began to structure my day around my energy highs and lows. I also learned to recognise when stress tipped into depletion — and how important it was to recharge, not just “push through.”

One of the tools that helped? The Positivity Ratio (Fredrickson & Losada, 2005). Research suggests that to thrive, we need about 5 positive emotions for every 1 negative. Not to fake it — but to actively cultivate moments of joy, gratitude, awe, or humour. Small things matter: a walk in nature, music, a meaningful chat.

Ask yourself: What gives me energy — and how can I make space for more of that each day?

How You Can Start:

  • Keep an energy diary for 3 days: note when you feel drained or energised
  • Schedule your most demanding tasks during your energy peaks
  • Intentionally add small positive moments daily (music, nature, connection)


References:

  • Fredrickson, B. L., & Losada, M. F. (2005). Positive Affect and the Complex Dynamics of Human Flourishing. American Psychologist, 60(7), 678–686.
  • Schwartz, T. (2010). The Power of Full Engagement. Free Press.

4. Tools That Actually Helped Me

Here are a few of the tools and concepts I use (and share with patients):

  • Savouring: Taking time to mentally stretch out a positive moment. A deep breath. A shared laugh. A good coffee.
  • Self-compassion: Speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to someone you love. Especially when you mess up.
  • Growth mindset: From Carol Dweck’s work — the idea that skills and intelligence aren’t fixed. We can change and grow.
  • Flow: Those moments where time disappears because you’re fully immersed. Find your flow, and find your sweet spot.
  • Gratitude journaling: Writing down 3 things each day you’re grateful for — a proven mood booster.
  • Forgiveness: Not letting someone off the hook, but letting yourself off the hook from carrying the pain.
  • Meaning over happiness: From The Happiness Hypothesis — lasting well-being often comes from doing something meaningful, not just pleasant.

How You Can Start:

  • Keep a gratitude journal — write 3 good things daily
  • Practice a self-compassion break when stressed (see Dr. Kristin Neff’s guided exercises)
  • Reflect on a recent challenge and find the learning or growth opportunity
  • Identify tasks or hobbies where you lose track of time — schedule more flow moments


References:

  • Bryant, F. B., & Veroff, J. (2007). Savoring: A New Model of Positive Experience. Lawrence Erlbaum.
  • Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion. William Morrow.
  • Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
  • Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Harper & Row.
  • Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
  • Worthington, E. L. (2006). Forgiveness and Reconciliation. Routledge.
  • Haidt, J. (2006). The Happiness Hypothesis. Basic Books.

5. The Dual Nature of Being Human

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is that we are not just our rational minds. We are emotion, instinct, story, body, spirit. We can hold joy and sadness at the same time. We can feel gratitude and grief.

Understanding this helped me stop striving for constant positivity and instead aim for wholeness.

Healing happens when we integrate all parts of ourselves — not just the shiny ones.

How You Can Start:

  • Practice mindfulness — notice your emotions without judgment
  • Try a self-compassion meditation when feeling overwhelmed
  • Write a journal entry acknowledging both your struggles and your strengths


References:

  • Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion. William Morrow.
  • Haidt, J. (2006). The Happiness Hypothesis. Basic Books.

6. What I Want for You: Managing Yourself Sessions

If you’re reading this and something in you is nodding — even quietly — I want you to know this: you don’t need to wait for a crisis to start living differently. You can start now.

I offer Managing Yourself sessions — personalised consultations that go beyond prescriptions. Together, we explore:

  • Your strengths — and how to use them daily
  • Your values — and how to make decisions from them
  • Your energy patterns — and how to protect what fuels you
  • Practical tools for resilience, joy, and emotional balance

Whether you’re managing a health condition or simply wanting to live with more intention — these sessions are about empowering you to thrive from the inside out.

Bonus: Applying Positive Psychology in Work, Personal Life, and Health

Here are some simple ways to bring these positive psychology principles into different parts of your life:

At Work

  • Use your strengths by volunteering for projects that energise you
  • Make decisions aligned with your values — like honesty or growth
  • Schedule demanding tasks when your energy is highest and take mindful breaks
  • Practice gratitude and savour positive moments with colleagues
  • Allow yourself to acknowledge and manage emotions during stressful times

In Your Personal Life

  • Spend more time doing activities and with people that energise you
  • Communicate your values clearly with loved ones to build authentic connections
  • Use self-compassion during setbacks or conflicts
  • Savor joyful moments fully, like a good conversation or time in nature
  • Be mindful of mixed emotions — it’s okay to feel joy and sadness together

For Your Health

  • Align healthy habits with your values (e.g., caring for your body through nutrition or rest)
  • Use your strengths, like discipline or curiosity to build sustainable routines
  • Pay attention to your body’s energy and prioritise restorative activities
  • Approach health challenges with a growth mindset, seeing setbacks as learning opportunities
  • Practice forgiveness and self-compassion when things don’t go perfectly


Free Reflection Sheet: Discover Your Strengths & Values

Take 10 minutes now to start your journey with these simple prompts:

1. What are 3 activities that make you feel energised and alive?

(Examples: talking with friends, solving problems, being creative)


2. What are 3 activities that drain your energy or feel exhausting?


3. What are your 5 core values?

(Examples: kindness, honesty, growth, connection, independence)


4. Think of a recent difficult situation — how could you respond using your strengths and values?


5. What is one small thing you can do tomorrow to honour your strengths or values?


Bonus: Write down 3 things you are grateful for today.


If you find this helpful and want to explore further, book a Managing Yourself session with me — and together we’ll build a personalised plan that fits your life, health, and goals.

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